I know that everyone claims Tom Brady is straight because he’s (supposedly) banging his supermodel wife Gisele Bundchen, but it’s hard to believe that judging by how he looks going down a water slide.

I’ll just go ahead and leave it at that.

At the game Newton rocked the number 00 (like all of the other rookies there) and was asked what number he wants to wear in the NFL since Jimmy Clausen wears number 2, the same number Newton wore at Auburn. Surprisingly, Newton was quoted sounding somewhat humble:

“I really don’t care. It’s just a number to me,” Newton told NFL.com. “Gossip sells, and I understand that with people hearing I wore No. 2 in college, and Jimmy has it right now, (but) it’s not a big deal to me. I just want to get that out of the way and throw it out there. It’s not the number. It’s the person wearing it.”

Cam Newton, humble? I was surprised too. Before you get too excited though, Newton was photographed the next day rocking the most egotistical number out there:

That’s right, No. 1. Then again, do you expect anything less of Cam Newton?

(See TMZ video above)

Whatchu think? Whatchu think?

I still think you’re a dick, Cam.

Lockout? What lockout?

Chris Johnson, Adrian Peterson, Ray Rice and some of their B-list rich football player friends (Although I’m not sure why Rashard Lewis is on the list. The party planner didn’t get the memo that the Washington Wizards aren’t a football team.) just want to remind you that they’re still rich, despite a lockout. I mean, Ray Ray was doing that already…but he just has to keep it going.

FUCK THE LOCKOUT I’M STILL RICH AS SHIT

Cam Newton turned 22 last Wednesday, so it was only necessary to get an over-the-top, narcissistic, tacky a nice cake!

I asked my friend Steph over at DecTheCake (follow her on Twitter here: @StephDecTheCake), who is a professional cake baker badass, what she thinks of the cake and what goes into making something like this. Here’s what she had to say:

On making a cake like Newton’s:
Looks like a pain in the ass. From what I can tell the jersey and the football are both cake covered in fondant.
On how long it takes to make a cake like Newton’s:
It could have taken anywhere from 4 hours to a few days to complete a cake like that with all the detail.
On how much a cake like this costs:
Price wise…$250-$300 depending on the cake flavor and who made it. Most cakes that are stacked cost $500+ but that’s a pretty simple layer cake. Fondant tastes like ass. It’s all for show.
On her thoughts of the cake:
That cake definitely is over the top. Looks like the got a bunch of edible images of himself printed out for it. The cake looks legit detail wise, but the fondant is a little sloppy where the sleeves of the jersey are. And you can tell the fondant got snagged because of the big bend where the 1 is on the jersey. See that bump? However, it might have been made like that on purpose to give it the feel of a real jersey. ?? And they could have puffed up the sleeves so they don’t just flop there. The football is good. The little plaque is corny and kinda egotistical. AND, you can see the white lines on the field are uneven, and the grass looks smeared on. Could’ve been better, but not the worst.

Well there you have it. Cam Newton’s birthday cake just confirms that he’s an egotistical prick. Hey Cam, how’d you pay for the cake without signing your rooking deal yet? Cecil paid. Cecil did it. Yeah.

Another pic of the cake:

Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow showed up at some Macy’s in New York to promote the new Jockey ‘Stay Cool’ collection that he is the face of. Look at the way that perfectly-fitting v-neck drapes over his Greek god physique. And look at those wristbands that probably have inspirational biblical verses on them (oh wait, they do). Oh, check out that perfectly maintained hair and just-right amount of facial hair.

Fuck you for being so perfect, Tim Tebow.

That’s probably the first time he’s seen a girl IN PERSON in her underwear. Couldn’t go risque and have her wear a bra instead of that lame unsexy tank top? Jockey execs probably didn’t want Timmy the virgin to pitch a tent.

The only time that I’ve seen live rodeo with bull riding is on CBS when a football game is blacked out, so needless to say, I hate that shit. If I wanted to watch a dumb redneck attempt to ride a large, angry animal, I would just turn on CMT and watch ‘My Bid Redneck Wedding’.

That awkward moment when Chad Ochocinco realizes that riding even a mechanical bull is difficult:

“It’s a different ballgame now. There’s no turning back. I’m ready to rock. It is what it is,” the Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver said Friday night in an interview with PBR.com.

However, he also tweeted this to his pal and former NFL player Warren Sapp: “Sapp they are huge, fast, quick, powerful and agile in person, big mistake on my part.”

Well no shit.

You can watch Ochocinco break his collarbone make history tonight at 11 on Versus network.

UPDATE: He only lasted 1.5 seconds on the bull. Kudos to Ochocinco for at least trying. Video:

Shortly after Bernard Hopkins called Donovan McNabb out for his lack of ghetto hoodness blackness by saying:

“Forget this,” Hopkins said, pointing to his own dark skin. “He’s got a suntan. That’s all.”
“Why do you think McNabb felt he was betrayed? Because McNabb is the guy in the house, while everybody else is on the field. He’s the one who got the extra coat. The extra servings. ‘You’re our boy,’ ” Hopkins said, patting a reporter on the back in illustration. “He thought he was one of them.”
Replace “guy in the house” with “slave in the house,” then replace “on the field” with “in the field,” and Hopkins’ message is Uncle Tom-clear.

Donovan McNabb quickly fired back, defending his blackness even though he was raised by both parents in an upper-class Chicago suburb while attending private school:

“Ill-informed statements such as the perplexing one Mr. Hopkins muttered recently are dangerous and irresponsible.”

I just think it’s funny how McNabb issues a really white-sounding statement to defend his blackness. Should have said this:

How dis nigga be talkin’ shit is crazy. B-Hop finna get his ass whooped!

It would have been way more convincing.